


Janus Apparently Doesn’t Know the Meaning of Sexual Tension.

by wow_thats_angsty



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Deceit | Janus Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Everyone’s so fucking horny for no reason, M/M, Please Kill Me, Sexual Tension, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, The Author Regrets Everything, Unresolved Sexual Tension, its great
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:13:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29537334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wow_thats_angsty/pseuds/wow_thats_angsty
Summary: Janus is unknowingly flirting with the others and this is causing Thomas ungodly amounts of sexual frustration.Or;The author thought it would be funny to write Janus being entirely oblivious to his flirtatious nature and Thomas suffering the consequences. This entire fic is just sexual tension. That’s literally it. Not even smut, just sexual tension. Rated Mature for mildly sexual themes.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 31
Kudos: 105





	1. Thomas walks in on something that he didn’t want to see.

**Author's Note:**

> Fighting (it’s not really fighting, it’s more sparring), sexual tension. 
> 
> Ignore me, I wrote this at like 2 am.

Thomas had seen enough of Janus’s bullshit. Janus’s sexual frustration was rubbing off on him and he didn’t want to deal with it. What led to this revelation, you might ask? Janus essentially flirting with the others without even realizing it. 

\-----

Thomas had been walking around the Imagination (in actuality he was sitting on the couch with his eyes closed but that’s not important). That’s when he heard loud grunting, very familiar loud grunting, _Roman’s_ loud grunting. Fearing that Roman might be injured, or worse _dying_ (which is highly improbable but anxiety fucks with you sometimes), Thomas sped off towards the noise.

_What if it’s a Dragon-Witch?_

_What if he hurt himself while training?_

_What if_ **_Remus_ **_got to him? Oh dear, that sounds horrifying._

So, he very much was not expecting to find Janus straddling Roman and pinning him down by his wrists, panting above him. Smirking.  
  


 _So the grunting I heard…. Oh….._ **oh**.

Thomas flushed bright red at the thoughts of his sides having… _encounters_ with each other. He coughed loudly, garnering the attention of a cherry-red Roman and a confused Janus. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt anything… I just thought one of you had gotten hurt or... Something.” Said Thomas, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. 

Janus raised an eyebrow while Roman sputtered. Roman was just as red as Thomas, picking up on Thomas’s interpretation of what they were doing. 

“You didn’t interrupt much. Roman wanted to spar and I was the only person equipped to do so. We just finished a match.” Janus got up from off Roman, dusting off his pants; the pants that Thomas could now see were athletic. He spotted two swords that had been tossed aside. Roman was also in athletic gear. Boy did he feel dumb. 

“I’m sorry for assuming, I shouldn’t have jumped to a conclusion.” Thomas held his hands up in a placating gesture and backed away slowly. Janus furrowed his brows before turning to Roman and holding a hand to him. Roman took it and Janus pulled him up. 

\---- 

Roman had asked Janus to spar, usually, his sparring partner was Virgil but he didn’t feel up to it, Patton didn’t know how to fight, he didn’t trust Remus, and Logan was busy. So he asked Janus; he explained, in detail, to Janus why he’d chosen him and that no, he hadn’t forgiven him but he could at least talk to him. And he needed to spar. Janus happily obliged, still trying to get into the other’s good graces. 

When Janus arrived, Roman asked him how much he knew. He chuckled and replied, “Too much.” 

And once they began sparring, Roman could see why. 

Janus pointed out small things with his technique, but he was still careful to provide Roman with compliments. And Roman was having a surprisingly good time, Janus was a good sparring partner. Roman wondered where he learned it from but then he remembered that Janus had lived with Remus for several years. 

When the two took a break, Roman suggested, “Virgil hates doing hand-to-hand combat. It freaks him out, for some reason, I don’t know, I usually don’t understand him. And Logan is busy, he’s the one I usually practice hand-to-hand combat with, you know Remus, I’m too afraid of hurting Patton. So…” 

Janus smiled, easily interpreting what Roman was saying. 

“Sure.” 

This led to several positions that, when viewed out of context, would look somewhat lewd. 

The first of which was when Janus had gotten pinned to the wall by his wrists, Roman leaned in close and just gloated. 

“Guess you don’t know how to fight if I managed to beat you so _easily._ ” 

Janus glared at him and tried to wriggle out of Roman’s grip. Roman just grinned at him. 

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d guess that you liked being pinned down.” 

Janus scowled, kneed him in the stomach, and the two got back to fighting again.

The second time it happened, Janus had Roman pinned to the wall again, but with Roman’s back to Janus, his arm around his back. 

“Not so mouthy now, are you, Princey? Somebody should put your pretty mouth to better use.” Roman went bright red. Janus had no idea of the _implications_ of what he’d just said. Roman shivered and pushed back against Janus. Janus let him go, only because he wanted to continue fighting. 

And the third time it happened, Janus had Roman pinned to the floor by his wrists and was trapping Roman’s hips with his legs. Roman was red as a tomato. Roman desperately wanted to tell himself that it was just adrenaline, this was a fight after all. But he, unfortunately, had to admit to himself that he was kinda turned on right now. 

Janus leaned down to whisper in Roman’s ear, “Got you, Princey, I win.” Roman shuddered and held back a retort, fearing that he might let slip just how aroused he was. 

_Jesus fucking Christ. Why the hell is he so hot?_

His saving grace was Thomas. However awkward, it saved him from a potentially more awkward situation. Once Thomas left, Roman excused himself. He explained that he was just tired. 

Janus smiled a little sadly, “Okay, that was fun though, we should try that again sometime. Get some rest, Roman.”


	2. Janus's Good Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton's just... really horny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: food, sexual humor, Christian Guilt Complex™, please let me know if I need to add anything else.
> 
> Please kill me. I wrote this at 2 in the fucking morning and I want to rid it of its spot in my drive. Also, my headcanon that the dark sides are right-handed wormed its way into this fic somehow. Also, I’m not a baker, there’s a reason most of the baking in this is vague.

Thomas just wanted water. He just wanted water. He walked into the kitchen. To get water. Not to witness Patton flush against Janus, red and breathless, Janus’s hands on Patton’s hips.

“T-Thomas!” Patton managed out, wriggling out of Janus’s grasp. Janus looked more confused than a fish in a tree. 

Thomas just stood, slack-jawed, “What the hell were you two doing?!”

“Playing UNO, Thomas.” Said Janus, laced thick with sarcasm. 

“We were baking, I was trying to teach Janus my secret recipe.” Said Patton, looking down ashamedly, then Patton’s head shot up, eye wide like a deer in headlights, “Cake recipe! Nothing else, nope, just cake.” 

Thomas eyed them suspiciously, Patton nervously rocked from side to side, Janus stood in between them, no clue as to what was going on. 

Thomas spotted a small splatter of an unknown substance on Janus’s pant leg.

“Nope, I’m out.” Said Thomas, scrambling out of the kitchen as fast as he could. He’d rather be thirsty for the rest of the day than spend any more time in the kitchen with those two. 

“What’s his deal?” Said Janus, raising an eyebrow, lips curved into a confused frown. 

Patton laughed shakily, “Don’t know.” 

_____

“Hey, Jan!” Said Patton, bounding up to Janus and giving him a big hug; Janus had earlier joked that he was touched-starved and Patton was not having it. 

Janus smiled softly at him, “Hello, Patton, what did you need?” 

Patton bounced up and down, clasping Janus’s hands in his own, “Virgil told me you make really good sourdough, and I want you to teach me! I’ll even teach you my famous cake recipe in return!” 

Janus, not one to pass up a baked good from Patton, agreed.

_____

Patton rubbed his hands together in a way that would be sinister if it were not coming from Patton, “Alright, we’ve got the ingredients.” 

Janus nodded, already beginning the process. 

Patton cursed his very easily distracted nature as he noticed that Janus was not wearing either of his gloves. Scales decorates his left hand, Patton would admit that they looked kinda pretty.

“-And then you… Patton, are you listening?” Said Janus in the middle of explaining why he added salt into the mixture during this step specifically. 

Patton smiled and nodded, blinking unnecessarily. 

Janus put his hands on his hips, narrowing his eyes at Patton, “Then what was I talking about?” 

Patton fiddled with his collar, sweating bullets, “Uhh- salt?” Janus raised an eyebrow and looked him up and down. He hummed before saying, “Correct.”

Patton let out a sigh of relief before continuing to shadow Janus as he made the bread. 

Janus carefully explained each step to Patton, which he greatly appreciated, and even let Patton help with some steps. 

“Patton, I’m going to teach you how to knead bread, it is instrumental in how the bread turns out.” 

Patton nodded enthusiastically, shaking a little from excitement. He walked toward the counter, a little intimidated by the dough. 

“Don’t be scared, Pat, here I’ll show you.” Said Janus, smooth and low. Patton shivered, Janus’s voice reverberated through Patton’s bones. Janus stepped behind him, gently leaning over his shoulder, putting his hands on top of Patton’s.

Janus tenderly guided Patton’s hands, Patton blushed profusely. 

“There you go, you’re doing so nicely.” Said Janus, right into Patton’s ear, dangerously close to his neck, in that voice that made Patton shudder. 

_Patton, no, you’re just friends. And it was right into your ear and it felt ticklish, you aren’t… aroused._

“Mmm, just like that.” Said Janus. Patton’s knees were weak, he almost wished that what Janus said was in a different context. 

_Bad Patton, no need to think like that over_ **bread**.

“Darling, look at you, you’re better at this than I am.” The praise from Janus caused two kinds of blood rushes. 

_Pull yourself together, Pat. Sure, your friend is unexpectedly hot, doesn’t mean you get to think like that about him, that’s just disrespectful._

Janus hit the final nail in Patton’s coffin of sin when he said, “Mhm, good boy, Patton.” 

Patton’s knees almost buckled, he barely managed to keep upright, grasping the countertop for support. “Good boy?” He asked, whimpering. He could feel Janus’s breath against his skin as Janus muttered, “Mhm, my good boy, Patton.” 

Every other thought had abandoned Patton his mind could only think of one thing:

_Be Janus’s good boy._

Janus pulled away from Patton’s hands, Patton wanted to beg for more physical contact but the shred of dignity he still had left demanded that he didn’t.

“Alright, the bread has been kneaded, we let it sit for a couple of minutes, I’ll go set a timer.” Said Janus, the clacking of his shoes against the tile, alerting Patton that he’d left to do as he said. 

Patton sat down at the kitchen table to process what just happened. 

_Patton, did you just get horny because your friend whispered vaguely flirtatious words in your ear and gave you some semblance of praise?_

_…_

_Okay yeah, you did. Run your hands under cold water or something, just stop being horny I’m begging you. You don’t wanna ruin your friendship with Janus, do you?_

“No, I don’t.” Muttered Patton.

“You don’t what?” 

Patton jumped, looking up at Janus, who was holding a timer set to 20 minutes.

“Just-uh- nothing important.” 

Janus furrowed his brow, studying what Patton just said, then he shrugged and sat down next to Patton. He tapped his fingers in a rhythm Patton didn’t know but felt like he did. 

They sat, Janus still tapping his fingers and Patton gay panicking, both waiting for the timer to go off. 

“Hey, are you right-handed?” Said Patton, pointing to the hand Janus was tapping with. Janus nodded, “I can demonstrate if you’d like.” 

Patton grabbed a pencil from somewhere in the kitchen (it was common to find pencils anyway due to Roman’s tendency to sketch wherever he damn pleased) and handed it to Janus, who scribbled his name neatly onto a piece of loose-leaf paper (easily acquired because Logan enjoyed doing math on the kitchen table). 

“Hmm, that’s interesting, Thomas is left-handed, so is Logan, and so am I. The only exception that I can think of is Roman, and he’s ambidextrous. I don’t know if Virgil and Remus are, though.” 

Janus shrugged, “Remus uses different hands for different, specific, tasks and Virgil’s right-handed like I am.” 

Patton shrugged as well, ending the conversation abruptly. 

The timer went off, Janus gracefully stood up and walked over to where he’d set to the dough to rest, Patton followed. 

The two continued creating the loaf, Patton’s nerves finally settling enough for him to function somewhat normally. As the bread baked in the oven, Patton searched his room for the paper he’d written down the cake recipe. 

“Aha, there you are.” Said Patton, snatching the thin slip of paper from some obscure corner he didn’t care for. 

Patton hurried back to the kitchen, the scent of fresh-baked bread greeting him. 

“It’s done.” Said Janus, slipping on an oven mitt onto his left hand and opening the oven. He accidentally burned himself while extracting the bread, hissing as the oven left a mark on his skin. 

“Are you okay?” Asked Patton, dropping the recipe on the kitchen table and rushing to aid Janus. 

“Yeah, I’ll just need some burn cream, the special one that’s in my room, Pat.” Said Janus, turning off the oven and setting down the bread.

Patton was there and back in a matter of seconds, sitting Janus down at the table. The burn was slightly larger than expected but he’d make do. It was on his left forearm, slightly above the end of the oven mitt. Patton knew he needed to be especially careful when treating Janus’s burn: the burn was, unfortunately, on a patch of scales. 

“Are they sensitive?” Asked Patton, hesitantly reaching for Janus’s arm. Janus cringed and nodded. 

“I’d rather just get the process over with and have it heal properly than not do it at all.” Janus sighed. Patton nodded, extremely delicate while treating Janus’s burn, but his mind began to wander. 

_They’re sensitive? What would happen if I- Wait no, Bad Patton, no more horny thoughts. Patton, focus._

So he did, a little too much, more caressing Janus’s skin than actually trying to treat the burn. His skin was surprisingly soft, Patton just wanted to touch _all of it-_

_No, Patton. Stop thinking about how pretty your friend is and start trying to be a better friend to him._

“Ow.” Hissed Janus, Patton snapped back from his… less than innocent thoughts. 

“I’m sorry, spaced out for some reason.” Said Patton, jerking his hands back as if he were the one burned. 

Janus sighed, “It’s fine, let’s get to baking that cake, shall we?” He said, standing up, handing out his hand for Patton to take. 

_____

Things had been going smoothly, though Patton was a bit more clumsy at teaching than Janus. Still, things were going alright. Patton was managing to keep his thoughts at bay, until…

“Hey Jan, can you clean off the mixer?” Patton said, heading off to grab the ingredients for the frosting. Janus nodded, removing the whisks from the hand mixer. 

Then he looked around, trying to check if anyone was watching, unaware that Patton could see him, and he tentatively licked the cake batter off of the whisk. Patton wanted to look away, but he just couldn’t. He never thought he could find someone’s tongue attractive, and here he was, wondering how much better it would look while-

_Nonononono- Bad Patton. That’s not how you think of a friend._

Patton tried to shake off his thought but they bit back with a vengeance. He couldn’t help but stare at Janus with longing, blushing intensely. 

Janus looked over to see Patton staring at him, throwing the whisk down on the countertop, probably to hide the fact that he’d been eating the cake batter. 

“Aha, Pat, I wasn’t supposed to do that, was I? Caught red-handed I suppose.” He chuckled, nervous and shaking slightly. 

Patton forced a laugh, “Haha, its fine, not like we can get sick over it, and it still kinda clearing it, I guess-” He knew how selfish it was to tell his friend to continue eating the cake batter, doing just so he could supply his brain with more horny thoughts, but the overwhelmingness of his arousal led him to say, “You can continue if you want.” 

Janus did immediately, with more fervor and sloppiness. Patton flitted around the kitchen, stealing hesitant glances toward Janus lapping up the cake batter. 

Once both were finished with their respective tasks, Patton showed Janus how to make the frosting. 

Patton was aware his breathing was far too heavy as Janus stood behind him, hands on his hips. 

“And-uh, you add a small amount of vanilla-” The reminder of flavors was not doing good things for Patton in his current state; wondering what Janus’s lips tasted like was more prominent than his thoughts on vanilla extract.

That’s when he spotted Thomas, walking into the kitchen with a look of horror on his face. 

“T-Thomas!” He yelped, he was now aware of how compromising the position he and Janus had been in looked. He ripped himself off Janus, grasping the kitchen table to dear life. 

“What the hell were you two doing?!” 

“Playing UNO, Thomas.” Said Janus, still in that smooth, low tone, except now, instead of sincerity and gentleness, it was laced with venom and spite.

“We were baking, I was trying to teach Janus my secret recipe.” 

Patton took a moment to process his word choice, then his head shot up, petrified, he said, 

“Cake recipe! Nothing else, nope, just cake.” 

Thomas eyed him, it almost felt like he was glaring at Patton. 

Then Thomas looked down at a small splatter of batter on Janus’s pant leg. Patton could only watch in terror as Thomas said, “Nope, I’m out.” and scrambled out of the kitchen as fast as he could. 

“What’s his deal?” Said Janus, raising an eyebrow and frowning.

Patton laughed shakily, “Don’t know.” 

The two continued, somehow, and immediately after, Patton left for his room. Janus was confused and a little hurt, why did people leave after hanging out with him? Maybe he was doing something wrong. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me for this pure sin, take some memes as an apology
> 
> My friend: lmao, give Paton a praise kink  
> Me: Why?  
> My friend: you gotta  
> Me: fine
> 
> Janus: *calls Patton good boy*  
> Patton: *n u t*
> 
> Patton:*is horny*  
> Patton's brain: wait that's illegal
> 
> Me: *turns some of the horny shit my friend has thought up into existence into a fic*  
> The wonderful aces in the comments: Haha, lmao, same.
> 
> My friend: while you're at it, give him a hair pulling kink too  
> Me: there can only be one


End file.
